beatificdreams: (Default)
( Jun. 17th, 2009 12:14 am)
Tonight was a beautiful night. It was filled with honesty and confusion and tears and yelling and hurt and anger and cuddling and kisses and tender-fear and frustration and promises and I love you, I love you, I love you.

I'm terrified of losing my place here. Not that he'll leave, but that I won't be as special to him. This makes me even more scared of N coming to town. Scaryscary.

Everyone in the world is a child under the exterior. We are all frightened children afraid of getting attached and being abandoned.

I'm here.
beatificdreams: (Default)
( Jun. 17th, 2009 09:59 am)
Ah, it's materializing. And I'm getting more and more excited. I think I want to get at least one more skirt and a few tops. I also have to travel down to The Alley and get these babies.

I've been trying to focus on superficial things, what to wear and what to bring. I have been purposefully not addressing the emotional sphere of the experience. I can't really do that. I don't want to walk in with preconceived notions of what it will be.

I bought checkerboard tights and arm warmers today. And striped tights. And finally ordered this:

http://www.shop.costumesfairy.com/images/tutu_Fairy.jpg
In pink and lime green...

Whee!!!

I have to make a doctor's appointment to get my medical sheet filled out for my driver's license renewal. Ugh. I hate the doctor. Big time. Boo. I just hope that I won't have to retake my driving test. I did that not too long ago...

I was thinking of buying a saree for Burning Man. Something colorful. I have to go thrifting soon.
beatificdreams: (Default)
( Jun. 17th, 2009 11:22 am)
I keep forgetting that there is no such thing as an individual person. Who you are makes no difference. Our memory is the only thing that keeps us bound to that. We are experiences. We are vibrating atoms floating through space. We get drawn to pockets that resonate with us. The more in the pocket, the louder we hum.

I love. I have traveled with love since the day I was created. I have also traveled with fear. I've traveled with joy. I have traveled with peace. We are a great, swirling wave of everything we are.

We are not people. We are receptors. We are carriers. We are dreams manifested.

This is not about me. This is not about you.
.

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