I haven't written here or anywhere else in quite some time. Two weeks or more. That's unusual for me.

What have I been up to? Focusing. I have been focused on myself and my daughter. I have been working through my body in a very physical way. I have been doing yoga a lot. I have been working out. I have been going through some tribulations with my diabetes, having changed medicine. I am honing in on the correct dosage after a week and a half of ups and downs. So much on my mind. Burning Man is coming upon me very quickly, too. There's a lot I need to do! Fortunately, it's mainly costume related.

I've been thinking a lot about my personal energy lately. I've become very aware of the energy I've been putting out, and I have been taking note of the energy that I am taking in from others, as well. I tend to suck up a lot from other people. Then I come back to center, and I have found this person that I am nervous about.

I was a strong and centered person years ago. I was aware of my space. I was connected. I was breathing through my troubles. I was tuned in. I was learning and curious. I felt calm and easy.

Then life took over. I went through some rough patches. I had my beautiful daughter. I became responsible for things that I never dreamed of before. I didn't have that carefree side any longer. I had to succeed at holding my head (and the head of my child) above water. If you haven't gone through this, there is no way to comprehend it. It's easier to do this with someone, but it becomes much more stressful alone.

Now I'm finally back in a place where I can work on me. I have become fairly secure in the bottom three rungs of Maslow's hierarchy: physiological, safety and security, love and belonging, and now I can start working more steadily on the top two, esteem and self actualization.

So now I am in the process of learning myself again. It's slow and steady. Deconstructing and reconstructing. I meditate. I listen to my mind and body. I observe my space and my reaction to it. I am constantly centering myself. I am coming from a place of love for me. I have had to try to make decisions based on what I believe will be best for my daughter and myself. This is all encompassing. It's mental and physical and spiritual and financial.

I believe we all cycle through waves. Our mind turns our experiences into something linear (like a sound wave), but we really are just living through continuous circles. We go up and down. Our shape changes, but the circles stay the same. Our priorities shift. We grow and shrink, as does the circle. We are organic. My wave has taken me to a beautiful place where I have some semblance of clarity again. It's growing, and I am incorporating everything I've learned throughout the years to make myself into something new. I'm not going backward into something I was before. I am moving forward into a new me.

I am slowly shifting into a more stable, healthy, successful and spiritual person. I am constantly in the process of growing. Instead of growing to get from one place to another, as I have in the past, I am now growing in spirals upward. I've circled my foundation enough. It's built. Now I am explanding. I am doing this with the love and support of someone I adore. I am doing this next to my daughter, who sees me as I stretch and pray and love and move.

I am strong. I can do this. I have faith in the universe. We are all mystics.


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